I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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