The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
