she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
