no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
