Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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