OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
