he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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