If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
