My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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