READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
