i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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