he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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