Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
