wrigley field is MILF paradise
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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