I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you win again, gameday.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
