remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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