if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
