Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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