its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
