I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize