he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
worst night to have a conscience
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
