My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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