did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
