my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
