We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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