this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
