if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
