My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We talked him into tasing himself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
