It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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