if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so fucking centered right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
