So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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