I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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