Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
