We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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