speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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