Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
