please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All the doctor said was why
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
