I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
