Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My ass is underappreciated
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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