whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize