Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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