too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
