then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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