The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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