she was so not down for the gang bang
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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