He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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