nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
