You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
