my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
