I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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