You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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