So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
