It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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