every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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