How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I touched a dick in church today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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