had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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