i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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