is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
