lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
