Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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