DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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