Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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