we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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