you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
