Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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