walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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