I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
