Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
