Having a random hookup so left but love u
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize