I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
