Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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