i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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