I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
