You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
