You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
