Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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