my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize