i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
