Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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