people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
