I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
