God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
