i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
