Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
