i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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