I heard we made out
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
