He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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