I just pynch a tree in the face
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
