It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
tell me about the eggs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
