Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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