You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
