ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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